Relationship Advice That Never Goes Out of Style
In other words, if you’ve been dating for a week, don’t make plans past next week. If you’ve been dating for three months, don’t make plans more than 3 months in the foreseeable future. Its a great rule of thumb to keep yourselves from getting too far ahead of yourselves, and I think it makes you less likely to buy that plane ticket to Thailand you may possibly regret after you learn more about the person you’re dating. In addition keeps you from freaking the other person out with stuff that isn;’t first date material – i.e. unless you’ve actually raised a child and sent him off to college, don’t speak about taking your grandkids to Disney. I’ve never seen anyone go that far, but I have known people to get way ahead of themselves. Relax, enjoy the natural progression of things.does uberhorny Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook0Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Dating & Relationships Tagged in: Dating So 2013 is well on its way and many of us have already broken the New Year’s Resolutions we swore we would keep. Even though it really is natural for some of us to get down on ourselves, this is bound to happen when making resolutions which can be unrealistic and too broad in scope. Instead, let’s make an effort to simplify our resolutions a bit by replacing them with ones that individuals are simpler, more realistic, and better to keep.
Here are three resolutions that you can trade with the ones that were previously made: Original Resolution: To lose ten or maybe more pounds. Replacement Resolution: Cut out one part of your diet every week. Each year, countless men and women make the resolution of losing weight in order to improve their dating lives. Although this is a worthwhile effort, the problem is, going cold turkey on a diet rarely works for anyone. The weight may come off quickly, but as soon as the cravings begin to kick in again, and they will, the pounds will pack back on in the blink of an eye. Instead, try cutting out one part of your diet per week. For example, making small sacrifices such as giving up soda, or limiting oneself to one glass of juice per day, will shed many pounds in its own right with time. As each week passes by, make one more small sacrifice, such as one less cookie per day, etc.
Before you know it, these gradual changes will feel like an all-natural part of your life style and will eventually go unnoticed. Original Resolution: To stop serial dating and focus more on finding “the one.” Replacement Resolution: Date each person you meet twice. Many of us went through 2012 trapped in that endless quest to find the perfect partner online. The problem is, this endless quest turns thousands of people into unsatisfied serial daters, addicted to the process of looking for that next best thing. Although many of you may have already gotten more serious about finding the one in 2013, take that extra step out of the bottomless pit of serial dating by going out with each person you date a minimum of two times, pending 1st date is mildly entertaining. While this might not seem appealing to many of you online daters out there, it will force you to get to know people on a more than just a superficial level, and may just help to break that serial dating addiction. Original Resolution: To improve ones dating skills. Replacement Resolution: Become an overall more interesting person. Many individuals make resolutions with the bold declaration that this will be the year in which they shed all their bad dating habits, self-reflect, and finally become more attractive to the reverse sex. While this is a worthwhile effort, it really is too large a step. Instead, start small by finding approaches to become a more interesting person overall. Find new hobbies. Read new books. Explore new passions. Often times individuals we date aren’t interested in us because we just aren’t that interesting!
By becoming more interesting people, we are going to become more attractive, and consequently, has more success with dating and relationships. For more online dating advice from Joshua Pompey, including free profile tips, and advice on how to write an online dating profile, click here now! Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook0Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Dating & Relationships, Online Dating Tagged in: Dating, dating resolutions, Online Dating Anne Lamott called it Radio KFKD (That “radio station” chatter that plays in your head and tells you to stay put unless you get perfect.) Did you ever read Anne Lamott’s wonderful book, Bird by Bird?
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It’s mostly about writing. But the lessons Lamott shares apply to every risk-taking, creative act imaginable. Including dating and the quest for relationship. Her comments about Radio KFKD made me laugh—and they come to mind often when I’m standing on the brink of new experiences that (gasp!) might just result in rejection. My own Radio KFKD was all about twenty-five pounds of “curviness.” I never had many worries about weight. I had four babies and was able to lose all the baby weight everytime. But for whatever reason, my transition to singlehood put me on a weight rollercoaster. ( And no, not totally all of it due to horrible stress—some of it was just plain fun.) There was clearly a six-month period when I convinced myself it’d be a fabulous idea to stay out late several nights a week with new friends–eating velveeta-beslobbered nachos and drinking beer.https://topadultreview.com/ Yay—just like college! Except…my body was twice as old now–and my metabolism was like, “What the…?” Nonetheless, I was actually feeling quite fine about myself.
And not worrying a lot of about the muffin-tops overflowing my jeans or my outgrown bras. I was just…curvier, that’s all. Who wants to be all bone and sinew like those women who spend hours in the gym, anyway? Then a very insensitive (male) acquaintance tossed out an offhanded comment about my “weight problem.” Huh?! And instantly, there it was, lodged in my perfectionistic little head. I have a WEIGHT PROBLEM. Oh no, I must fix it. I can’t date and act like I think I’m all CUTE and stuff. I have a terrible, awful, WEIGHT PROBLEM. I stepped on the scale and saw this horrendous, earth-shaking problem confirmed. In hard, unforgiving numbers. And I resolved to put my social life on hold until I’d lost 20 of the 25 lbs. the potato skins and Coronas had cushioned me with.
Hired a trainer, got up at 5:15 each morning to access the gym, etc. But then, as I worked and worked to lose a measly 1.5-2 lbs. per week, it dawned on me that it’d take a solid four months of soul-crushing, early-morning labor to shed those stupid pounds. I didn’t have the patience for that, and I really do like men. So…restlessness won out, and I just started dating anyway. Guess what I found out? Lots more men said they found my curves sexy than not. ( Not that I found all of THEM attractive. But it wasn’t as though every one of the decent guys were like, jeez, girl, hit the gym and lose some weight, will ya?) And most men I met didn’t comment at all on weight–but did comment on my smile. And the fact that I am really easy to speak with. Here’s how I look at all of that, two years later. It was simply one chapter of my journey. a mere (curvy) blip on the screen–not some permanent aspect of my character.
Perhaps the extra weight made me appear less stunning to some people, but hey, there will always be SOMETHING about you that various other people find sort of unappealing. Oh, and guess what else I found out? The mere knowledge that I was moving each day toward a personal health and fitness goal got me walking taller and wanting to invest in myself. (Yeah, like even to the point of buying one fantastic, flattering, size-14 first-date ensemble from Nordstrom–that I promptly gave away to charity as soon as it was hanging loosely on me.) And dating on your own terms really just boils down to self-confidence. The more you have, the less your little human being flaws and physical quirks matter. ( and on occasion even occur to you, for that matter.) The quickest path to confidence through slumps and ruts, is, I find, daily exercise. It’s a fine, mysterious, wonder-drug, that release of endorphins. Regardless of what imperfection is nagging at you, 30 minutes a day of brisk walking or jogging or elliptical-ing will make you feel not as imperfect. And, I predict, a whole lot cuter and younger. And once you’re taking care of your system, it’s a good deal easier to find the energy to tackle other self-improvement projects. ( For your own joy and sense of accomplishment, not just to look pretty when meeting strangers.) Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading…
Share This Article Facebook0Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: For Women Tagged in: body image, exercise, motivation, Online Dating, self-care, self-confidence Romantic comedies are quite popular these days in the movie theaters. The most effective ones are guaranteed in full box office smashes, and some even become classics and hits with the critics. It’s also a genre that remains popular among vintage film buffs, because a lot of of the classic Hollywood movies were rom-coms. In modern times they have been roughed up a bit, usually with an increase of sexual content and plot variations that make them attractive to men in addition to women, but the basic idea is still similar. What Is A Rom-Com? As the comedy area of the label implies, these types of stories are humorous and light – so no heavy drama here.
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The primary plot device is the separation of lovers or lovers-to-be who are meant to be together, but are prevented from being happy by some barrier, impediment or situation. The love story then takes them through travails and troubles until, the majority of the time, they are reunited at the end and live happily, maybe even forever just after. Sometimes the ending involves a realization that it was true love, but can not be a practical relationship. People love these stories, but what if they are not good for romance in general – do they give romance a bad name? Romance Looks Too Easy In most of those kinds of movies, love at first sight or a variation of it is the norm. Starry-eyed lovers lost in romantic bliss go back to Shakespeare and even before him, but to see the story on the big screen is unforgettable. The problem is that the depiction of love and the romance that follows at some point makes it all look too easy. In actual life, people are sometimes in such situations, but real love at first sight is a little rarer than it really is in Hollywood scripts.
So, actual humans living real lives who only have these stories to draw from because of their romantic experience might assume that it should happen this way. And they might assume that if romance doesn’t come easy, something is wrong. Romance gets a bad name when it doesn’t match these artificial models. Romance Looks Too Hard The standard plot device, with variations, of course, is to make the coming together of the lovers require the overcoming of a group of hardships. These obstacles to true love run the gamut from separation due to financial problems, family issues, life events, and many others. But through the many troubles and stormy seas, the destiny-kissed lovers find love and romance in the end. Romance obviously shouldn’t be this hard, and in actual life it usually isn’t, because most people are faced with real obstacles that can’t be overcome, and have to move on to the next possible romantic encounter. Making romance look too difficult also gives it a bad reputation when people realize the truth. Unrealistic Expectations As I mentioned, rom-coms often end with the lovers starting life of romance and expecting to live joyfully ever after. We all know that this isn’t always the case, and that no love relationship is obviously and forever perfect.
But seeing these stories and myths acted out on the silver screen conditions our brains and hearts to believe that everything will be perfect, if we find that one true love and overcome every one of the barriers put between us. Rom-coms make it seem like the importance of love is only in the beginning, and that it will require care of itself after that – not a good, realistic view of love and romance. Romance Besmirched? So if life imitates art in the area of romantic comedies, we may be in trouble. These stories tend to make romance either look like a cinch, or such as a gauntlet of problems, and so they cause people to have expectations for love in their own lives that are too high. As popular as these types of movies are, I have to conclude that for the real romantic, a ration of one a year or more might be a good idea – just to keep up romance’s good reputation. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook2Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Dating & Relationships So who should kiss first and who should pay on a first date?
Hint — The answer is not «your mom.» This is another post from the lovely Girl True Heart. One of the Urban Dater’s earliest supporters. She’s pretty fly and we’re very happy to be hosting her second post on our site.Originally posted March 18, 2009 (edited for The UrbanDater) I don’t think the man should always pay… Mr Listener and I went out AGAIN, last night! I don’t know that that has EVER happened before: Two nights, two dates in a row? It really is so easy, so casual, so friendly between us. We went and played pool for 2.5 hours. He beat me soundly 5 of the 6 games, and I came close to winning but scratched on the 8 ball. I was really so impressed that he didn’t hold back, and our warm shared sense of humor bounced around the table which made the time more enjoyable. There was clearly definite playful innuendos on both our parts. Then neither of us wanted to go home (and I MUST point out for once there was clearly NO attempt to get back to my house, get into my pants etc, which can be so refreshing I can’t quite describe it…) so we walked laps around the parking lot, at a slow pace, and talked and talked.
He asked many pointed questions, and we learned a lot about each other. He asks important, well-thought-out questions, the kind a writer would ask. I value that so much. I always ask those types of questions and most people think I’m crazy to level of detail about something that they have likely not even considered themselves. When it came time to tally up, I whipped out my card and said, “Please I want to pay, the loser [of the pool games] should pay…” and I looked at him with pleading eyes. I could tell it troubled him slightly. Pride, I understand it. He had paid for 1st meet which consisted of coffee and soup at a local cafe. So when he responded to my plea with, “How about we split it?” I agreed. I just can’t help but feel there’s no reason he needs to have to pay for it all when I know (and he doesn’t know, but probably suspects) that I’m making a lot more money than he is. What do you all think about this stuff? In the dating world right now, there are so many laid-off people, misplaced workers, etc. If the income levels are really drastic, would that determine whether or not you dated someone?
I must say by the end of our time together, I found him very cute and very kissable, but there was clearly no kiss. Several hugs, lingering feel-good hugs which were like shots of B12 to my soul, but no kiss. I definitely wanted a kiss. I wanted to see how it would feel with him. And that brings up other old debate….should a woman ever ask for a kiss? Should a woman just add a kiss to the cheek when she goes in for a hug? I hear the voice saying, “Trust me if a guy desires to kiss you, he’ll find a way to kiss you.” But….what if he likes a woman to make the first move? That doesn’t seem right in cases like this though as this particular guy seems traditional and old school in other aspects.
He did say he likes to take things slow. Hmmm, maybe we have to try holding hands. I feel like I’m in junior highschool; please cue up Journey. I wish I could just check my libido such as a coat at the coat check and come pick it up 60 days later. ___________________ Useless Postscript: This man ended up listing 20 fine qualities about me to my face after several months of dating, and then added a “but…..;” he did not like my physical body “enough” and wanted to see if it [my body] would change enough to continue a romantic involvement. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook7Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Dating & Relationships, Opinion Tagged in: holding hands In reviewing some of the profiles through various dating sites, I found some interesting profiles. I have not altered thing about these statements and believe that words crazy or Prozac should not appear in your profile. The reason I say this is because you are going to attract what you don’t want. I have ranked the profile statements considering what I think about them. Ok, so here’s a tip on what never to include in your internet dating profile. Here’s the prime reason, you shouldn’t use crazy in your profile EVER: I speak fluent Crazy.1 I am the sole heterosexual male that cried during the movie “likecrazy !1 People have said nice eyes, playful, crazy, weird, funny,2 Did I say / tell U that I’m A little Crazy / Nuts ? Attracting crazy women….I don’t wanna be good at it ’cause it’s a bad thing but hey, we all have gift ideas. So if you’re crazy, I’m gonna need you to go quit reading and go away now…..not kidding…..see you can’t even follow a simple request ya crazyass!3 You’re probably sick of perusing profiles in which people sound really awesome, and then you discover out they’re crazy and fucked up, selfish, domineering, paranoid, whatever. Just crazy.3 Cute, but probably not what you want to portray. People may think this is an accurate portrayal of you. Yeah that is effective!
Offending people always works. Or Prozac! These really need no ranking. Save psychiatric medications discussion for the 3rd date. I just don’t think that headaches are caused by a deficiency of Tylenol, or depression by a deficiency of Prozac. I ENJOY PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY SANDWICHES AND MY CAT NEEDS SOME PROZAC hahahaI’ve been told I’m a “deep thinker. But i might rather deal with the mood swings than become aProzac junkie and not feel anything at all. I’m a programmer, and I have two cats which I’ve named Prozac and Zoloft. Painting my miniatures — it’s cheaper than prozac and less dangerous than street drugs. Wondering if the Prozac is going to kick in suit the mood of this day, wasting time on the internet , rambling, causing a scene , intimidating people when I’m onProzac , kriss kross puzzles Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook9Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Dating & Relationships, For Men, For Women, Online Dating, Tips & Advice Tagged in: crazy, Online dating fail, Prozac, wtf I recently read a book about unveiling the mystery of a woman’s soul and I gleaned some good dating tips in the process. Basically the book states that there are 3 things every woman’s soul longs for: to be pursued, to feel stunning and stay part of an adventure.
I happen to identify with these desires and I figured i might elaborate a bit on the topic to simply help the men out a bit. Chase her In the dating world I happen pursued and have also been the pursuer. And let me tell you, as a female, being the pursuer just never quite felt natural.